Log Kya Kahenge: Breaking Free from Society’s Judgemental Gaze

The Eyes on my Street............ By the Society and the Log [People]: The one thing which always bothered me since childhood was “Log Kya Kahenge?” (What people will say) - A common phrase heard in our Indian cultures where people worry excessively about societal expectations and the biggest barrier that a common man in India has to face before doing anything. 

Most of our reputations are at the mercy of narrow-minded, highly judgemental and excessively critical peeps - those who have the most fragile egos and refuse to entertain new perspectives. The fear of "Log Kya Kahenge" can hold one back from pursuing their passions, expressing their true selves and making meaningful choices.

Though, I was mostly never scared of what will people tell me if I don't match up to their expectations, I used to be worried what if my parents and siblings have to listen to people on my part.   At a certain point in my life, I was made to feel bad for my exam results, my career choices, my being single by most of the people around me. My Amma was questioned and teased and my soul choked itself when my brother too at times had to answer when people asked him.    I used to curse myself and cry my heart out on my pillow because I did not know what I could do to prevent the embarrassment and awkwardness my family had to face on my part.

It is really sad that we live in a society wherein “Log” here forms 50% of the society and we are always grilled for what we do. We always fear what will this so-called “Log” say.

• When my friend decided to work in a call centre at night shifts, her mom was like –" Log Kya Kahenge ".
• When I wanted to keep shoulder length hair, as for me, they are easy to manage and I really don’t like combing my hair, my aunt’s mother-in-law commented – What will “Log” say!  Who will marry a girl with short hair? I mean seriously??
• When my best friend wanted to come out of the closet with his sexuality, he was scared of the “Log”.
• When my cousin wanted to marry a girl of different caste, his parents knew the selection of his choice was good, but they still hesitated to approve the marriage, thinking “Log Kya Kahenge”.
• When my young widowed aunt wanted to re-marry, she was told to firstly think about the “Log” before taking any decision in life.
• When I laughed aloud, {I still do}, my neighbour Nani asked me to laugh like a human being and not like a demoness. Girls shouldn’t be laughing like that! “Log kya kahenge”.
• When my cousin decided to take up dancing or photography as a profession, my uncle was more worried about the “Log”.  After all, Guptaji’s son who took Science is now studying abroad. There dies a talent…
• When my best friend fell in love with a guy from another religion, her family was like, OMG, how can you? “Log Kya Kahenge”. As if She was in a relation with a buffalo or a Panda and not a human.

The balance 50% are the Society Gossip Aunties. We’ve all encountered these so-called aunties in our daily lives, trying to dodge their questions about our impending marriages and their determined attempts at pinching our cheeks, but with no luck. They are the universal aunties we come across on our streets, at family functions and even while grocery shopping.  These aunties are characterized by their love for gossiping, evil and judgmental nature and incessant need to interfere in the business of others.   These are the ‘Padoswali Aunties’ who always keep an eye on you and will always give you lectures on life. With their presence in the society, CCTV cameras are not required. They cover up everything with their ‘Potato’ Eyes like a surveillance camera.

Once one aunty knows something, she doesn’t just keep the information to herself. It becomes her agenda to pass it around to at least 4 more aunties, who in turn, do the same thing and before you know it, everyone else knows the oily hair fair guy with whom Mr. Mehta’s girl was seen with at the Cubic Mall in town.

Here are a few silly things Indian society aunties do that we really wish they would stop doing!

• Asking us, ‘Kaun tha woh! Who came to drop you home late night yesterday at 11.46 pm?
• Telling us to not wear that tight dress outside.
• Repeatedly reminding us about ‘Shaadi ki umar.’
• Keeping a check on what time we reach home.
• Taunting us to being thin or rather telling us we need more meat on our bones.
• Trying to set us up with their sister’s brother-in-law’s son.
• Bragging about their child’s success endlessly.
• Asking us, ‘Beta salary kitni hai?’.
• Gossiping about a new resident's questionable style, "Have you seen that woman's attire?
• Discussing about the neighbour’s dog staring continuously at the security guard's dog!
• Explaining how their uncle’s third cousin’s son’s nephew’s mother-in-law’s brother’s son’s grand-son murdered a mosquito!
• Explaining with wide eyes what Pinky from two doors down did on Saturday afternoon!

I believe everyone has a faceoff with these ‘Log” and the society aunties syndrome, once in a while. While we often hear stories on how "times are changing" and our sense of acceptance is evolving, more often than not, there are moments that makes us question the authenticity of this. Are we, really changing?   Do people really have time to think about other people or is it just our mind that is messing with us?  Whatever your actions may be, they will comment. In the process of always worrying about others, we forget who we are or what we really want. We learn to put our dreams and thoughts on hold and start to live by what others want us to do. We start measuring and defining ourselves with others benchmarks of success.  

It is the nature of people to lift you up to the sky when you win and drag you in dirt when you lose.  You will be praised like hell by the same “Log/Society” when you shine bright and the same will come bitching about you, when you don't match up to their expectations or when they are suddenly happy because of your failures. What matters is YOU. The voice that speaks inside YOU matters the most.    If that voice is loud and clear, you'll be sane. Once the fear is gone, you'll sail through.    If we break free from the limiting beliefs and assumptions that define our perspective and behaviour, we are going to find either of the two things: -  

Either those so-called “Log/Society” don't exist at all OR there are thousands of fingers ready to point at us when we put our foot forward. It’s what YOU think of YOU that matters.

I have a simple philosophy in life:-

Don't give 2 hoots about what others think of you or your choices. Let them go to HELL.  Log/Society’s opinions don’t come with EMIs, promotions or peace of mind.  They neither pay your bills nor give you inner peace